A man's challenge to mommy bloggers who write about hectic lives

I'm not a mommy blogger -- one look at my profile will put an end to that debate and despite this being the Internet, I am a man. During the past four years I've been writing online I've noticed the growth in the mommy blogger community. I salute these women who have turned the Internet into forums for support, sharing recipes, love tips, and all the chaos that emanates from their precious or precocious children.

I recently picked up a bookmark from the Altadena Library that will feature an author who has a blog and podcast that's "a celebration of modern motherhood and all its madness."

Hold on! Not so fast. Mommy bloggers talk about chaos -- but what do they really know?

It's quiet tonight at nearly eleven o'clock. I'm finally getting ready to write a book or series of books about our journey as adoptive parents and how that has blurred intensely into my life as a young, young grandfather. But each time I try to pause and reflect, the level of intensity and chaos from past traumas begins to surface -- extraordinary events take place in our house and my emotions are sapped and I'm thrown into a state of bewilderment.

I try and start from the beginning -- but just in the last five weeks, when the power went out in our house for five days -- we had someone so mad at us that she yanked our almost 5-year-old granddaughter and took off for a week. Our days were filled with dozens of furious text messages and hours of phone calls until we were able to go to mediation and have a structured conversation.

You see, I'm working backwards. In my position, we've had no legal standing over the little one in our care and yet we've assumed full responsibility and the financial burden.

Although I'm still relatively young, there's no man in the church we attend who can identify with me -- nor can I easily identify with someone who's been succeeding in his career.

I show up at school or choir practice with the almost-five-year-old and there are other, capable mothers -- perhaps some of them are mommy bloggers -- eager to make sure their children are doing well in practice. Or, they're at the gymnastics program and the conversation is usually mommy-child centered. They ask questions like my wife would -- and they listen. I try not to think about where my career went and what it should be.

While I've carried the burdens half of the week of being a mommy, egad, I'm growing older each day.It hasn't been that long ago that we spent over a year-and-a-half going to court in a guardianship matter for the little one in our care.

Now let me jump back to the beginning. Life was easier when our children were younger. Why? We had more control. They came to us at different ages. I remember when our son came to us at just over 4 years of age and he had an attention span of no more than 20 seconds. He couldn't even play with a toy for more than 20 seconds during his first few months. We set a timer and eventually helped him stay focused for 40 seconds and then a minute.

Now that's chaos! And that's without revealing the tensions that came from the others. I'll just mention briefly here the hours and hours we spent with doors slamming and blow-ups lasting 2 or 3 hours.

It throws you off and eventually wears you down -- just like natural forces eroding the Grand Canyon. Oh, you can click here for that hub!

I share this because raising children is vital to the health of our society but it isn't always cute. Even mommy bloggers may feel like their worlds are falling apart. But unfortunately cute sells -- whether it's on the header of a website or in the words of those who say orphans need families -- and aren't they cute -- they just need love.

Cute doesn't cut it. Love is the basis for surviving the chaos, though. During the years, we've been fortunate to have resources to help us maneuver and navigate through some of the more dangerous and difficult times. There is so much between the lines here that I simply can't and won't reveal under my name.

I'll summarize by saying this. A life worth living is a life focused on redemption -- and redeeming those who have been hurt and traumatized. But the road can be filled with peril. Especially when you've taken on 4, 5, 6 -- up to 7 others who have been damaged through no fault of their own.

Last year, I saw one of the Lord of the Rings movies. I can't remember which one. But at the time, it reminded me that my granddaughter is like the ring I have to carry safely to its destination. But then, so are my other children, too.

I sometimes wonder if I'll make it. And then I find a quiet moment, late at night or early in the morning, to reflect, to ponder and read a word from the Bible -- and find the encouragement to handle the challenges of another day.

And if you're a mommy blogger, here's my advice. Don't try to make your children to grow up perfectly. Just learn to maintain the relationships as they grow older -- and don't forget about your husband, too.