How to Replace Low Self-Esteem with Self-Confidence and Personal Worth

Low self-esteem can be a trap that saps emotional strength but replacing feelings of worthlessness with self-confidence and personal worth benefits us personally and those around us.

Associating with positive people, setting achievable goals, not comparing ourselves to others, and feeding on positive audio and videos are ways to manage low self-esteem and rise to a level where we know we're contributing to the workplace, our families, and we're using our skills satisfactorily.

I'm writing this hub in response to a question asked by hubber tgopfrich, "how to deal with low self-esteem."

In 2010, I was at one of my lowest points after enduring a family crisis that grew and culminated in numerous court dates, sheriff visits to our house, and major disruptions and life changes from each one of our children.

From teen pregnancy to alcoholism and severe tantrums spanning more than five kids, our lives were full and each day presented a new crisis. My career was crumbling and I felt like I was knocking my head against dead-ends lined with thick, brick walls.

I had no productive comfort zone and I withdrew from family, friends, and retreated into a world of inner struggle.

I knew a change was necessary and in the summer and fall of 2010, I sought counseling. At the recommendation of a family law attorney, I found someone who exhibited excellent listening skills, empathy, and could feed back to me pertinent points of what I said. For example, I really found no meaning in church while my wife still did. This became a point of increasing tension.

I felt the world was moving so rapidly and we handled a new crisis every day that when people on a Sunday morning asked, "how are you?" there was no way I could give the accepted 30-second answer.

Counseling helped me dig into this challenge and recently I found times to sit down with a few people one-on-one for extended conversations. Counseling relieved a burden and was one way to see my own worth.

Associating with positive people was something I chose when I launched an online shopping franchise. I needed to get myself out of a terrible shadow. There were those who were building their businesses and associating with them proved beneficial. They helped me regain short-term and intermediate-term goals.

I stopped comparing myself to other families I knew who seemed to have fewer problems. While I continued the counseling, I looked in new ways at those who had challenges and kept a positive attitude. I let the quiet comparisons to others fade away.

Positive self-talk became important. I needed to replace a negative inner dialogue where I criticized myself at different times using rough language and keeping that inside.

YouTube is one of my favorite places to go for video clips featuring positive people like Zig Ziglar but also uplifting music when I need it and instructional clips. Feeding on positive information and skill-building information has helped me regain confidence.

Setting out realistic goals that are do-able on a daily and weekly basis has also helped. Rather than pressure myself to go out and sell a website, for example, I might say I need to set three appointments with small business owners and then I congratulate myself for achieving that goal.

If I don't achieve it, I congratulate myself for trying and then set another time period to set out and achieve a goal. But I don't criticize myself and engage in negative self-talk.

Some of us are more susceptible than others to low feelings of self-esteem. We need to remind ourselves that we have a lot to offer and look for the little ways in which we're successful. The more positively we can manage our attitudes, the more likely we are to bless those we come into contact with.